A Small Place in Yorkshire

  What should you have achieved in life? I mean should I have achieved certain goals before a certain age? I find it overwhelming sometimes.  I have no children, I don't own my own home, I have not found my perfect job and I am in my mid-forties. Is it a rule that you should have a conventional life and have achieved certain goals that may be expected? It is the expectation, I think, that I cannot get to grips with. Just because I may not have achieved these things that may be expected of me does not make me any less of a person or strange; it makes me an individual and this is something that I, and others, should revel in.

  Dreams of what could be don't make it easier for you! I have dreams of what I want my life to be and most of the time I know they are unrealistic, but I dream about them and wish for them anyway. Sometimes I think that it is good to be this way and then when you achieve something it can feel wonderful, but most of the time I don't think it is a good thing to dream as such as the disappointment in the way things actually pan out can be devastating. I am dreaming big at the moment and sometimes it can take me away from the everyday life and I feel these things can be achieved, but then along comes something that can knock me off my perch and take me straight to the start again. What a roller-coaster life and dreams can be!

  I am just sat here wondering about what to write, but then I thought, well just write what you are thinking. I am not eloquent and, if I let it, sometimes my Yorkshire accent may slide through (probably something like 'Chuffin' 'ell!). I love my county and I know it has some of the most spectacular scenery and places known to man.  My thoughts always turn to everyday life and how can I make it better and smooth my past, present and future. The past, I am afraid, is never going to happen, but, crikey, it is hard to make the present and future smooth. Trying to reach for things that are just out of grasp and having the disappointment of not getting them. Pushing yourself is hard, but I have learnt that I need to push myself more and more without, if possible, faltering too many times. Well, that was a load of twaddle from my head, but as it states in the description of this blog - sometimes twaddle is the best conversation.

  Getting through each day is tough! Just making sure that you do all you need to do and not trip up too many times is hard! As a child I would never have thought that life could be so hard! I was thinking the other day about my time as a child, before getting into double digits on my age. The freedom I felt, rolling down hills, swinging upside down on the handrail bars on the street, going to the park and standing on swings and doing bumps or going on the roundabout and hanging precariously off the edge while speed increased. I think about it now and realise how scared I have become of consequences. I need to get back to doing bumps on swings!

  Should I being doing more on my days off work? This is a question I ask myself each week. I feel that after a long week of working all I want to do is relax, potter around and not do too much - just take things slowly but I always think I should be doing more. I have a very stressful job so at the end of the week I want to put my feet up and relax. I do chores and other things but have got out of the habit of planning things and especially big things. During the past year I suppose that it was never seen as something different as no one could do anything but now I think should i be more proactive? I may not be on my own with this! I may even have to think about it while I potter around next weekend! How about you?

  Yesterday I made myself happy; I bought tickets to go and see the band Travis! I was putting it off as I am not very good in crowds of people and it heightens my anxiety, but I though, no, I want to go. Been wanting to see them live for years! I have 6-7 months to prepare myself and I am sure I can do this. I am ready to go and have a great time. I am going with one of my siblings and I cannot wait for the fun that we will have together! I may feel different once the time comes but, come on, I can do this! I am off to see one of my favourite bands with one of my wonderful siblings! There are lots of 'I's' in this today, but it is all about 'I'

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  Rediscovering things from your past. Have you found joy in something that you used to love when you were younger? Just recently I have rediscovered a band that I have not heard in a very long time - Travis. I am sat here now listening and watching a concert from them and I can tell you now that I have fell in love with their music all over again. Their songs just fill me with joy and I am brought back to when I first heard the band. It is taking me away from all the craziness and heaviness that I am experiencing in everyday life. I am so happy I have rediscovered them and after listening to their new material they have not failed to put a smile on my face, to make me tap my feet! How about rediscovering something else that may have been buried?

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  Jealousy is a terrible thing. It can eat you up and just make you feel as though nothing is worth living for. It may not even be the big things that are making you feel jealous. It could be the smaller things in life. If you have worked hard and still cannot achieve the things you wanted and dreamed of, but see others around you achieve them it can bring hurt, resentment and feeling as though you are no good because no matter how hard you work and strive those things are never going to come to you. How to come out of this cycle? How to achieve?